An Adult Love Letter to Adult Ivy

My dear , Adult Ivy ,

Mon chere , I know you ’ve been around for simply old age but I ’ve only noticed you , passionately , for a few calendar month now . I was mistaken in thinking you were someone else , Purple Wintercreeper , perhaps . Sillymoi !

Did you know , Adult Ivy , that when I Googled you ( yes , darling ! I AM stalking you ! ) I had to be very careful to have the “ dependable search ” on ? Not because you’renaughty , dear , but because you ’re full-grown . You ’re really just a regular Ivy ( Hedera ) that has already gotten as tall as it ’s hold out to get , in a cheery and well - drained situation . Then you ask to expand in other direction , if you get my import . As you dilate , to the sidelong , you became more tree - like than vine . I ’ve hear the others call you Bush Ivy , but I find thatnom de guerrecrass … Do n’t you ?

Sweet Adult Ivy , I know that in other zona , you hightail it around like a gigolo . They call you “ invasive ” but here you are arare gem , not a reckless hustler ! And when I say “ here ” I mean in Chicago , not just your piazza in my substance .

I find your woody take form so much moreappealingthan your clingy , puerile form . I see the juveniles of your kind around DAY in and DAY out … Theyboreme . They are n’t like you , Adult Ivy .

And you know what really makes you stand out ? What really sets you apart from the others ?

Those balls !

I know that technically they are “ florets ” but when I see them they just look so radically mid - century modern ( you know , pricy … Like Sputnik ! ) and they are of such a distinct size of it that I lose my self - control . I must have you . And I ’m so very glad that your adult form can be lovingly propagated without reverting back to that silly puerile form so I can procure you very well , my Darling River . Because I will not be contented to look …

This summer- we have a date with destiny , my beloved Adult Ivy !

Affectionately ,

Aster

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